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Encountering denial, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is declining your work, giving a firm “Not interested.” Being an author, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced pitching articles half a century past, right after college graduation. Since then, I have had several works rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous pieces. In the last two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I face a rejection frequently—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Absolutely not. As, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

For perspective: By this stage, nearly each individual and their distant cousin has said no. I’ve never kept score my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

For example: lately, a publication rejected 20 pieces in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 book publishers rejected my book idea before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor even asked that I submit my work only once a month.

The Steps of Rejection

When I was younger, all rejections were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my work being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could these people be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often seasoned with false hope). What will it take you to see me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become successful.

So it went over many years.

Excellent Company

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Stories of writers whose books was initially declined are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. Many American leaders over the recent history had previously lost elections. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and bid to star were rejected 1,500 times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and keep moving, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the last step of setback. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the evaluator thinks I lack the credentials or stature to be suitable. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am peddling. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my work too quickly to appreciate its quality.

You can call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are always out of your hands.

Within Control

Some aspects are under your control. Admittedly, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may not resonate and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my writing style, particularly semicolons, was offensive.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published multiple works—my first when I was 51, the next, a memoir, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. Those pieces have appeared in publications big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no book signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can better accept rejection at my age, because my, small achievements have cushioned the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be reflective about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What lessons have I acquired?

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